Lying on the beach watching this wondering woman. I can’t help but be intrigued by the fact that she seems completely comfortable in her own skin. Lonely, but comfortable.
I guess all of us are wondering souls in search of our own adventure. An adventure out of our norm, where we challenge and push our own boundaries, in turn creating excitement and uncertainty for what’s to come.
My best experiences while traveling the world are those where I don’t plan, I swim out to sea not thinking about the consequences or the fear of being eaten alive by the unknown. Without fail these are the best moments of my life -memorable experiences come the moment u are not living with fear. Fear of getting hurt, fear of failing, fear of getting lost, fear of loving: FEAR. A demon that enters u, and robs you of all the simple and pleasurable things that life has to offer u.
Through these experiences, I have learned u only fear the unknown. If u have been lost before and found your way, I don’t fear being lost again. If you have fallen down and grazed your knee, u don’t fear grazing them again. At least I don’t.
But some people do, and those are the ones I find myself dating. Guys who have been battered and bruised and closed off from fear of further pain. I have always been a nurturer, and a caregiver, possibility because I can acknowledge a person deep seeded pain and potential for growth for I have seen both in me. Perhaps I get lost in fixing people as I have fixed myself, and tend to get stuck in the wrong relationships and in love with potential. Perhaps my purpose in these is to challenge mindsets, lead by example, and develop individual potential. Or perhaps they happen for me to acknowledge that through these experiences I lose sight of my own potential, my own standards, my own direction, and my wants for my future.
In the past, I settled; hoping that one day the person can reach their own potential as I see in them. Truth is it will never happen. It’s an individual journey, that only that person can ride if they are willing to. If they can swim out to sea and not fear the unknown. To find themselves in those moments of complete solitude.
For me; finding peace in this is a challenge, and accepting that someone else’s brokenness can result in your brokenness. After many failed relationships of not understanding this, this is what I had become – broken. Fear-driven- battered and bruised, closed off by the fear of future pain.
But like all great travelers it’s sort of lived and instead of staying in your pool, u swim out back into the ocean all alone and welcome all the new adventures.
Was the wondering woman wondering because she was alone, or was it her moment to reflect and redirect before taking her next leap?
Probably the latter.